Growing Up With Demi
3 Ways Becoming A Mom Transformed Me Into An Adult
Looking back, I thought I was already an adult. Working in corporate America, paying bills, making decisions, building a business and of course being in my early thirties- I didn’t realize just how naïve I was being. It was like scales covered my eyes. I thought I knew things, but I didn’t. I was so cloudy about life before until… until the day I gave birth to Demi.
Sound crazy? Let me explain. Life before was all about me, my family and making a name for myself. I worked hard and maintained a ridiculous schedule trying to keep up with the happenings and all the hoopla of being single, kid-less and free. Always on the move. I thought I was living. I thought I knew what love meant.
Demi changed all of that. Looking into her eyes for the first time, I knew my life would never ever be the same again. Honestly it had already changed the moment I found out I was pregnant. Nothing was the same.
After overcoming the fear of ridicule being that I was about to have a baby outside of wedlock, I begin to take better care of myself. The scales fell from my eyes as I welcomed the miracle growing inside me.
So here I am… a mother. Demi not only changed my physique, she transformed me straight into the adulthood I thought I was already experiencing.
No longer am I insecure of who I am.
The way she needs me makes me feel invincible. It forces me to make decisions based on her needs and not my own. I’m stronger and I no longer waste time with things that just don’t matter. Many may look at it as sacrificing my freedom, but I look at my beautiful experience as me morphing into the woman I’m supposed to be. She just has that power that pulls all kinds of wonders out of me. I look at her and I see greatness and then I look in the mirror and realize, I am her and she is me. My flaws are now glorious beauty, because she loves me so unconditionally. I feel sexy, empowered, wise, and uniquely gifted to be her mother. How can I ever feel insecure again knowing that I was chosen to be her mother. I was chosen to love her and she love me.
She is my responsibility. No question about that.
My life goals have somehow merged into sharing the role of providing for her. It doesn’t matter how frustrated I get on my job or rebranding myself image or my business… it’s all responsibility and the end goal is all to make sure Demi has everything she needs and more. Don’t get me wrong, at times I wonder if I can handle it. I think about those times before when I was able to pick up and move at any time at whatever pace I wanted and wonder what I would be doing in this very moment if she wasn’t here. If I never had a child… and then, I snatch myself back into reality. Not anymore. She’s the greatest gift. My responsibility will always be to Demi. Every choice made is an equation that includes her needs. Because of the secure woman that I’ve become, I had a swing in my walk and bit more pride knowing that I have a bigger purpose… a sweeter reason for why I go so hard. That’s my baby and ain’t nothing coming before her.
Nothing slips through the cracks because she holds me accountable for it all.
Being held accountable for every action definitely made me grow up a bit. As she grows, I too grow. I’m learning right along with her- about this motherhood thing and how to be a good mother. I’m very cognizant about how she watches my every move. She’s listening to what I listen to and the words that I use. She mimics me because I am her first teacher. I’m mommy. That alone pushes me to be more accountable about what she is exposed to and her overall development. I want the very best for my angel, so no slip-ups… she needs me to be my best at all times.
Before her, I didn’t recognize the laissez faire attitude I had. You could even say I was a bit selfish. Not anymore. As time continues to fly by so quickly, I pushes me into the woman I should be. I became more of an adult at the age of 33 – when she was born and it’s an exciting feeling. Not burdensome at all. I enjoy every moment of being Demi’s mom even when she’s resisting, crying and yelling “No.” My desired simply changed and helped me grow up a bit.
I’m telling you this is the most amazing experience on my journey and I’m grateful for it all…
Demi jumping in my photo shoot with Will Sterling… (Sterling Photography)
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MAMALOGUE is LSherie’s true stories of mommy life with a preemie.
Follow Demi Jade on Instagram and SnapChat @iamdemijade
