I Lost My Breath the Same Moment She Lost Hers…

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March 17, 2016

It was raining… no, it was storming on my way home with Demi. It was only the third day since leaving the hospital and I was so excited to be able to go anywhere or do anything with her. But today was going to be a day that will both terrify me and bring me closer to God than I’ve ever been.

Here’s what I mean…

Driving home, I heard Demi crying in the backseat. It was this loud screaming cry that I haven’t heard from her and at any given moment she would stop abruptly and then start again with the same high pitch sound.  It was as if she was pressing pause and then play repeatedly.  It made me nervous, but it was raining so hard and we were only a few miles away from home.

I tried comforting her with my words and singing out loud, but that didn’t help at all. Finally, I told myself that if she started that high pitch-piercing cry again, I was pulling over.  Something just wasn’t right.

Sure enough that ear piercing sound rose from the back seat. I told her I was pulling over as I pulled into the nearby gas station.  I wasted no time putting the car in park and jumping out to check on my precious little baby girl.  Something just wasn’t right.

What I saw mortified me. My heart sunk. There was “spit-up” flowing from her mouth and nose.  Large tears rolling from her eyes and she looked horrified. I grabbed her and cleaned her mouth and nose with a bulb.  She seemed normal again so I buckled her back into her car seat thinking everything was okay.

And it was.

We finally got home and there were many people in town for the weekend. Of course everybody was excited about seeing Demi, especially my little sister.

Demi starting crying a little again, but nothing like before so I figured with her doing so much spitting up in the car, she may be hungry. So I warmed a bottle for her, but my sister insisted on feeding her. Being the multitasking mama that I am, I started cleaning other bottles, organizing her diaper bag and whatever else I could do while my hands were free.

My sister yells from the living room that Demi’s not taking her bottle. I yell back that she didn’t know what she was doing. We both laugh and as I dried my hands I walk into the living room where everyone was seated. I gently grab Demi saying, “let me try.”  Nope… Demi still wouldn’t eat. But I just knew she would be hungry. And then I noticed it.

Demi wasn’t taking the bottle because she… she wasn’t even breathing! Her skin looked pale and all washed out. Her lips were turning an ashy gray color.

I can’t begin to tell you the thoughts that ran through my mind. I can’t eloquently put into words to describe the horror I felt in that moment. It’s like time literally stopped. I stopped breathing as the room started spinning.

“Demi’s not breathing.” That’s all I could manage to say and it was slightly above a whisper.  My mom jumped up from her seat saying, “WHAT?!”

Demi’s lips were gray, eyes closed and just lifeless.

“Demi’s not BREATHING!” I screamed it this time panicking and panting. I jumped up with Demi laying limp in my arms.  Never have I ever known fear like this.

My mother grabbing Demi, trying to stay calm, begged me to tell her what to do.

For that moment, I could not breathe. It’s like my soul was slipping away from my body.  I could not think.

Although it seemed like forever, just seconds later, I heard something… I know it was God, telling me to calm down.  I heard, “you know what to do.”

Demi Jade on the leather sofa.. the spot where I gave her CPR.

“I know what to do. Give her to me,” I said.  I was scared as hell, but I focused.

I reached out for Demi.  I placed her frail little body on the leather sofa, tilted her head back, checked for any signs of life, and started compressions.  Thirty deep, stern compression to her chest and then I breathed into her mouth twice.  I did this at least five times.

As tears rolled, I continued giving my sweet little angel CPR, I begin to see images of the first time I held her.  I silently prayed begging God to spare her life.

Right then, as I put my ear to her mouth I felt two small puffs of air.  I yelled for Demi to breathe. “BREATHE DEMI! MOMMIE’S HERE BABY! BREATHE!”

I never want to feel that helplessness ever again. Even now, I’m crying.  Every day I’m thanking God for sparing my sweet Demi’s life.

It’s funny you know, because it was only four days prior to this horrific event that Ignacio (Demi’s Dad) and I took a brief course in CPR before discharging Demi from the hospital – thank you Rivers Oaks!

This really is a serious matter and can happen to anyone with no warning! Do not take chances with your baby’s life.  Get CPR certified and make sure that anyone you leave your child with is certified too.

Here is a quick video to show you exactly what I did to get Demi to breathe again…

MAMALOGUE is LSherie’s true stories of mommy life with a preemie.

Follow Demi Jade on Instagram and SnapChat @IamDemiJade.

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